so i'm writing a song for a guy as a christmas present...its sweet and its sad...and the chords sound right now...i figured i'd play it on the piano then find a way to blend in a guitar...so far so good, i'm pleased. i talked to james tonight, which was really nice...yeah, the song is for him...

tomorrow is my dinner party thing...that should be interesting considering i have to drive all over creation, i'm driving the party to the party...and i have to go to work an hour earlier than usual, and i have about 1/8 of a tank of gas left...i dont have the time to everything...i dont have enough time to get gas for the car, i dont have enough time to change, in fact i will have to ask to leave work early so i change there then drive to north attleboro, then from there backtrack all the way back to the center of my town, then from there to wrentham, then from wrentham to franklin, then from franklin to bellingham where i will be half an hour late meeting brittany...and since both brittany and i work the following morning, it will suck horribly cause i hardly ever get to hang out with her, and that will cut our time short...

well, james from london is on vacation, he and i talk every day, so it will strange not hearing from him...i talk to neil every day now, and its nice considering how much we have in common...as crazy as this might sound, i'm actually looking forward to the date with neil more than i am the date with james...::shrugs::

today would have been brandon's birthday...that makes me sad...i was on the phone with JD when the doctors came in and told them that Brandon didnt make it...i miss him...a lot...happy birthday love...i miss you...

talking with neil makes me happy. he and i have a "date" on monday. dating is getting old...i'd like a boyfriend...neil is definite boyfriend material...

its way to late to think rationally, i'll finish this later...when i know what the hell i'm saying...

well, life has been pretty mediocre as of late...yeah...mediocre...went to boston a couple times, went to both nights of a production at my old highschool then to the cast party which was interesting...i ran into Trey, who has become a hippy, a rather cute hippy if i may be so blunt...he likes me...its cute and all, the first time we talked again he starts off with, "hello beautiful" and we talked rather than actually watching the play...ah...he's so sweet...haha...im so horrible with boys though...for example there was Dan...now Dan was a learning experience...we enjoyed each others company and one night he passed out at my house...then the following morning as we hugged goodbye, he hugged me longer than i expected, and i knew it would be awkward when i stopped, and when he did, he still had his arms wrapped around me, and he kissed me, and i pulled away from him, robbing our first kiss of all its passion...robbing him of all his passion...and robbing me of letting go...realizing that one kiss can change everything...Dan and i no longer speak...i guess that's why i didnt kiss dave...but honestly i do regret not kissing dave, i really do...i think a part of whatever could have been died that night...at least i know dave and i will be friends, same with me and max. max has a girlfriend, and that's cute, so i'm glad max and i will be friends...now there's neil, neil is sweet, honestly just like me...literally i felt like i was talking to myself in another form...it was strange...he live 45 minutes away....i dont know if i could have something with dave...ok, i feel better now that i've got that out...

gotta make a mix tape.