well, i guess i've been avoiding this for a while...work has been stressful, life is stressful, i have an ulcer, high blood pressure, and insomnia all due to this stress...glorius...
i'm just tired of fighting with people...really i am...i dont want to fight with dave, especially not about stupid issues...it bothers me a lot...its not that i think i'm right, but sometimes i wish that he'd admit to having flaws...because whenever i try to show him that he's being arrogant, he throws something else in my face to change the subject, he completely evades what i say and comes back with something wity...i guess i dont understand him...i guess i dont understand his lack of sympathy, not that i'm looking for it from him...but he doesnt seem to understand that i'm not looking for pity, i'm not asking for anything, i just want him as a friend, if nothing else...but he doesnt seem to realize that he's pushing me away...slowly but surely...i know i'm weak at times...i know that i complain a whole lot about superficial issues, and i know there are bigger issues in this world as i type this...but you know, just because it's not as big as another problem, doesnt make it hurt any less...its just that it's here now, and yes i understand there is a war going on in Iraq, and that people are dying...but not everyone is affected the same way...as selfish as it sounds, i want to live my life...my life doesnt revolve around the next upcoming issue...i guess what i was trying to say about the whole drama queen comment was it just seems that whenever an issue comes up you immerse yourself in it, and it becomes your life, it seems without conflict you have nothing...and as far as not understanding kids our age, i just meant that you dont seem to go through all the teenage drama that i do, or that my friends do, its like you're 40 and your life revolves around your job and politics...i dont know what to tell you, it just seems that when ever i'm not being defensive, you get very defensive, and its like boxing, blow for blow, if i hit you, you have hit back harder until i'm down...and its always like that...and i dont want to get into potentially heated conversations with you because i dont want you belittling me anymore...i'm tired of every conversation ending with me feeling worse about myself just because you want me to grow a spine, that you want me to defend myself...i've got news for you, babe, negative reinforcement only leads to negative results...if every time i talk to you, you tell me to grow a spine, i makes me want to just answer with "indeed" or "i agree" i just dont want to fight with you. i am a defensive, and usually passive person...I DONT LIKE CONFLICT. and i'm sorry...
i'm just tired of fighting with people...really i am...i dont want to fight with dave, especially not about stupid issues...it bothers me a lot...its not that i think i'm right, but sometimes i wish that he'd admit to having flaws...because whenever i try to show him that he's being arrogant, he throws something else in my face to change the subject, he completely evades what i say and comes back with something wity...i guess i dont understand him...i guess i dont understand his lack of sympathy, not that i'm looking for it from him...but he doesnt seem to understand that i'm not looking for pity, i'm not asking for anything, i just want him as a friend, if nothing else...but he doesnt seem to realize that he's pushing me away...slowly but surely...i know i'm weak at times...i know that i complain a whole lot about superficial issues, and i know there are bigger issues in this world as i type this...but you know, just because it's not as big as another problem, doesnt make it hurt any less...its just that it's here now, and yes i understand there is a war going on in Iraq, and that people are dying...but not everyone is affected the same way...as selfish as it sounds, i want to live my life...my life doesnt revolve around the next upcoming issue...i guess what i was trying to say about the whole drama queen comment was it just seems that whenever an issue comes up you immerse yourself in it, and it becomes your life, it seems without conflict you have nothing...and as far as not understanding kids our age, i just meant that you dont seem to go through all the teenage drama that i do, or that my friends do, its like you're 40 and your life revolves around your job and politics...i dont know what to tell you, it just seems that when ever i'm not being defensive, you get very defensive, and its like boxing, blow for blow, if i hit you, you have hit back harder until i'm down...and its always like that...and i dont want to get into potentially heated conversations with you because i dont want you belittling me anymore...i'm tired of every conversation ending with me feeling worse about myself just because you want me to grow a spine, that you want me to defend myself...i've got news for you, babe, negative reinforcement only leads to negative results...if every time i talk to you, you tell me to grow a spine, i makes me want to just answer with "indeed" or "i agree" i just dont want to fight with you. i am a defensive, and usually passive person...I DONT LIKE CONFLICT. and i'm sorry...
posted by Lorin at
8:33 PM
