you make me smile. :)

i miss the good old days when there was a drama rehersal and my best friends would sit on top of the dugout and look at the stars and talk while eating pizza singing songs...god i miss those times...

wasted $70 on a boy...pathetic...haha...but i got a gameboy advance out of it...haha

hoping things will get better.

today was my last day of work, and i worked with ben...ben makes me laugh...

i think i'm pretty sure i dont know what i'm doing...

haha, he threw apple juice at me, but didnt expect me to catch it and throw it back at him...

going to the mall tomorrow...i really kinda hate the mall...but i have to buy someone a present cause they got me a present and i need to get them something...

my mom and i are going to watch lilo and stitch. :)

havent talked to justin yet, which in all honesty is strange...i havent talked to him in over 2 weeks...we usually talk every day, even if its only to say goodnight or goodmorning...he got home from his cruise and promised me that he'd call when he got back cause we have to plan our christmas gift exchange...got him crew socks cause he told me that whenever things are wrong in life, putting on a new pair of socks makes being sad a little more comfortable...also got him a messenger bag with his initials sewn on to it, along with a quote from a hardcore band sewn on the inside pocket. it's dark and light blue, very nice, then i got him plugs, cause he needs them, they're wicked nifty...

went to boston, boston was nice.

missed watching caberet at cindy's with the crew...i'll see them new years, so its not a big deal...

my parents are going to be gone for 3 weeks at the end of january and probably up until the 8th of february...so that's good...

me: if there was a book on the people in our lives how would it be?
james: horrible, too many pathetic crimeless victims...whine whine whine, bohieman bullshit...love, hate, pathetic attention getting, lying, bitch bitch bitch..."oh i'm being ignored i'll make up shit and hurt myself so people will pity me," "im better than you but i'll mask it by pretending i'm nothing" "i'll fall in love with someone just so i'll have something to do" "i'll pretend i'm the greatest poet/writer ever and call everyone elses work that's better than mine shit so maybe they'll believe me even they know my work is shit and cliche and reworded plagerism..." "i'll live my life through a livejournal, where its safe and i dont have to actually say what i feel to someone's face cause i'm a fucking coward, and no one will say anything to my face cause we all know how lame it is to have a livejournal, besides if i have something to say to anyone i can leave it as an annonymous entry"

yeah, that's my group of friends in a nutshell...well, that's the bad side of them at least...

so i dyed my hair tonight, its burgundy in the light...until about 6 months ago, it was always like that...

so the emails from (london) james have stopped...and that makes me sad, but i know he's busy and can't answer in the morning all the time, like he usually does...but since he's in lodon, it's all i have of him...

tomorrow i'll be in boston again...going to get my cell phone...

my rabbit is trying to climb up my pajama leg....

so today was slow.

justin is home. that's always nice.

talked to my james, gave him the song and played it on his piano, and he cried...he gave me several things, first he gave me a roll of duct tape and told me, "even though i cant fix everything, maybe this could help" then he gave me a necklace he had stolen from me a while ago, and he put a picture of he and i in it, and had the word, "forever" engraved on it. 5 years ago i gave him a ring that said "friends" in it, and joke about the whole, "best friends" jewerly that existed...so this was somewhat more mature i guess...he also gave me a picture he drew when he was little, when we first met, back in the day, he and i hated each other, cause well, we were really young and it wasnt "cool" for him to like girls...haha...so its a crayon picture of him sticking his tongue out at me...and then a 4 page hand written letter...

im tired, long day ahead of me tomorrow. goodnight

christmas = typical...

got some art stuff per usual, hats, gloves, and mittens, some handmade jewelry, a journal, pens, a blue day book (which i love), a wooden stool in which to decorate with said art supplies, and a soft serve/blizzard making machine which is spiffy, also got a couple of dvds.

its almost over.

he rememebered...and he told me he kissed a girl...

tonight i got over my cynicism and bitterness, and overall resentment for the world...

my mother is by far one of the greatest people i've ever known, she reminds me that there is still some good in the world, that sometimes even the most business looking people can have hearts of gold...she can hug me and tell me she loves me, and i can believe her without any doubt in my heart...she's my reminder that maybe things will be ok.

tonight we were a family for the first time in years...it was my parents, my sister, my brother, and myself...it was finally a family room...we were a family, that's all that matters...

merry christmas everyone. i hope that instead of thinking of what's wrong, think of what's right.

"I'd like to hire a plane. I'd see you in the morning, when the day is fresh."

the dinner party was a flop...yeah...got great gifts, gave great gifts this year...

christmas will be a disaster this year...

UB40 - Fools Rush In...

god that song is horrible to listen to right now...

im going to dye my hair tomorrow...hopefully it looks ok for my date...

i wish i had a boyfriend...